If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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