oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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