i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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