You really coming over, don't trick.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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