she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
