Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
