Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
