I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
