its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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