dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
