If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
When are your genitals available?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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