The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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