Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
