So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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