Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
