I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
