He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
