I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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