Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
