it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
