If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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