that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
