We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Drake has all the answers
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
