sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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