Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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