Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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