We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
