Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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