I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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