Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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