How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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