I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
