what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
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