how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
