I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
