my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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