ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
