Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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