Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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