Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
