Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Small penises have feelings too.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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