I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
