It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
