His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
