I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I've blown a few things in my day
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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