i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
