OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
