Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
