My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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