East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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