Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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