the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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