Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's official drugs can't kill me
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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