It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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