I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I will be naked everywhere
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
