I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
