I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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