apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
