And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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