Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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