I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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