one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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