i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
