So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
