Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I looked at my own cervix.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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