wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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