guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
