My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
